


Reminiscence

by Jinniesmiles



Category: Kim Namjoon - Fandom, kimseokjin - Fandom, namjin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-10-30 06:08:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10870707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinniesmiles/pseuds/Jinniesmiles
Summary: Jin couldn't remember the last time he felt this way. He wanted answers, but anytime he asked the guys, everyone would go quiet or change the subject. Especially that guy Namjoon. Jin just wanted answers and dammit he was going to find it one way or the other. Namjoon can only hope things don't go south for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For new readers: Hello! This is my first fic that I am posting online, haha. I am in university, so if I don't update a lot it's because I'm busy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.  
> Warning: It does involve some memory trauma, hospitals, and starts out very angsty, but gets better. Get your hearts ready!  
> -Jinnie-

SCREECH.  
“Please.”  
SCREECH.  
“Stob.”  
SCREECH.  
“IT!” Yoongi snapped at a tall, grape haired boy who turned around with a distressed look on his face.

“If you don’t stop that pacing, Kim Namjoon, Jin won’t be the only one who’s in the emergency room tonight.” Yoongi said in a sleepy, annoyed voice. Although it was insensitive for Yoongi to say, even he knew it, to an anxious Namjoon right now, he couldn’t help it. For the life of him, he couldn’t handle Namjoon’s excessive pacing and god that annoying screeching every time Namjoon turned his heel to walk back in the other direction with those disgustingly bright pink converses Jin bought him for his birthday last month. Namjoon’s pacing wasn’t helping the situation at all. If anything, it was driving Yoongi’s nerves up the damn wall. Yoongi knew what he said was a little thoughtless, but it was 3am on a Monday morning and instead of sleeping, he was here with his best friend worrying on whether or not they were going to have to hold a funeral for the sweetest, most loveable person they knew if he didn’t survive the surgery. Hence, you couldn’t blame Yoongi for being an ass right now. 

“Remind me why you’re here? What possessed me to call your grumpy ass?” Namjoon said in a tiresome voice. 

Yoongi, who never let words like this bother him-especially coming from an upset, worried Namjoon-clutched his heart and retorted sarcastically: “Oh my GAT, man, you’re breaking my heart. Is that how you’re really going to treat your best friend? And the only person who was able make it tonight?” 

“God,” sighed Namjoon, “You’re right. I’m sorry, but you know that-“ 

“That you hate hospitals,” interrupted Yoongi, “I know, but pacing around isn’t helping anything. Please just calm down and relax.”

“Relax? Now listen here, Min Yoongi,” Namjoon said with desperation in his voice, “The love of my life, the person that I love more than life itself-the ONE PERSON that saved me from my awful, depressing views on life-could die tonight. If you were in my place and it was Hoseok that was in there possibly bleeding his heart out, how would you be acting right now?” 

Surprised at Namjoon’s outburst, Yoongi chose to say nothing, and let Namjoon go back to his pacing.

God. Why is this happening? This can’t be happening to me. I thought I was stronger than this. Namjoon thought as he went back to pacing around the small, suffocating waiting room. Although his lover was going through much worse treatment right now, Namjoon couldn’t help the anxiety that he felt while having to be trapped in an antiseptic smelling, plain white noise of a death trap humans called a hospital. Yoongi was right. Namjoon did need to calm down and think rationally about what to do about any news that was going to come out from that door, but he couldn’t help himself. Namjoon hated hospitals, yes, but it was more than that. Namjoon’s distress went beyond hate. No, he was on the verge of a mental break down was out of fear. Fear. 

Fuck. 

Namjoon hated feeling this way. After all, he was the leader of Bangtan. He was the toughest guy out of the seven of them,-the one that could scare any man off with just one look, and the one that could handle anything that life threw his way. However, his fear of hospitals was the one thing that Namjoon could not handle. Normally when the stress was too much, Jin would be there to support him and offer to hold him until he stopped trembling with anger and distress. But that was what happened on a normal day. This day was anything, but normal. God, how Namjoon wished he could turn back time. How he wished he could go back to yesterday night, but there was no point in dwelling over that now. What happened, happened and the only thing Namjoon could do right now was try not to break down completely. 

So, he waited. 

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours. Tired of pacing around, Namjoon finally sat next to Yoongi and drifted off to sleep on his shoulder. 

 

“Kim Namjoon? Sir?” The doctor said as he was shaking Namjoon from his slumber.

“Wha-what?”  
“Sir? I have news about Kim Seokjin.” 

Finally realizing where he was again Namjoon snapped wide awake and yelped “Where is he?! Is he okay?! PLEASE TELL ME HE’S OKAY.”  
For a second everything in Namjoon’s world had come to a stop. For a second, he thought he was going to lose his mind from having lost the light of his life. That is until the doctor looked at him straight in the eye and with a crack of a smile forming on his face said: “He’s going to be fine. However, he’s going to have to have to take it easy for a while. We don’t want the wounds to open up again. He is asleep now, but he should be awake soon.”

Finally having his anxiety and stress lifted off his shoulders, Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the doctor his room number. Not bothering to wake up Yoongi from his nap in the chair, Namjoon ran off to go see his one true love. 

Although Namjoon had been dying to see Jin, he was also kind of nervous because of happened-what he now called “The incident.” Calming down his nerves, finally, Namjoon slowly opened the door and stepped inside. With each step he took, Namjoon could feel his heart cracking and then finally falling into pieces right underneath him at the sight of his love wrapped in bandages, unconscious, hooked to an IV. Namjoon couldn’t stand the sight. If he could, he would trade places with Jin in a second because he never was one to let Jin suffer-even Jin crying was enough to make Namjoon soft hearted and take any scars that Jin had ever endured in his twenty four years of living.  
Pulling up a chair, Namjoon sat by Jin’s side, wrapped his hand around Jin’s limp one, and talked in low tone. 

“Hey,” he said, “I know this silly to say, but I hope you’re not in too much pain and I hope you don’t have any scars left. Well, not that I would I care, but lord knows you would freak out if there were any scars left behind.” 

Namjoon sat there staring at his lover before finally breaking down in choking sobs. Now, Namjoon was never one to break down easily, but with his anxiety at full force and seeing Jin lying in the bed unconscious finally getting to him, Namjoon damn near broke down. Of course, Namjoon was overjoyed that Jin was alive and eventually going to be fine, but he couldn’t help the guilt that ate at him from the inside out. 

“Jin,” Namjoon finally managed to choke out, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think this was going to happen. I never meant to take it too far. I never wanted you to leave. God, this all my fault. I’m so sorry-“

And that’s when Namjoon felt it. The twitch in Jin’s fingers.  
“Jin?”  
“Where? What?” Jin croaked out.  
“Thank god!” Namjoon screeched as he pulled Jin into a bone crushing hug, “I am so relieved! Fuck! You scared me, Kim Seokjin! But I’m glad you’re awake and okay!”  
Finally releasing Jin, Namjoon looked down and noticed something was off. Way off. The look in Jin’s eye was strange and very off putting to Namjoon. 

This can’t be happening. 

With anxiety filling him up once again, Namjoon asked “Jin, are you okay?”  
Jin, finally finding his voice, whispered “I’m sorry, but…who are you?”

This just doesn’t happen. 

With this final thought, Namjoon’s world went pitch black.


	2. First Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this second part took so long! 
> 
> Warning: Smut. Hopefully you enjoy the rest of the story.

The bright sunlight from the window was burning the back of his eyelids as Namjoon turned over in the bed with a groan. Shivering, Namjoon sleepily tossed his arm over to his right so he could cling onto the broad, muscular shoulders of his favorite loveable human blanket that was Jin and slip back into dreamland. In his half-awake state, Namjoon patted the right side of the bed only to be met with cold sheets. 

Jin? Namjoon thought. 

“This can’t be happening” whispered a small voice in the back of Namjoon’s head. 

“AHHH!” Namjoon shrieked as he sprang up and fell out of bed. A migraine the size of a mountain started to form and Namjoon had a flash of an image in his head, but no matter how hard he tried to focus, he couldn’t make out what it was. The more he tried, the bigger the migraine drilled the excruciating pain into his mind. It was agonizing; the pain felt like a hundred hammers were pounding into Namjoon’s brain as he tried to focus on the fuzzy image. Sprawled out in the mess of thin, white sheets, Namjoon remained on the floor until the image from his mind became distant and fizzled out. 

What was that? Namjoon thought as a sinking feeling began to form in his stomach. He had just woken up on his day off, but for some reason, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Deciding that what just happened was due to severe lack of sleep, Namjoon just decided to forget about it. After all, he almost pulled an all-nighter with Yoongi at the studio the night before, but before he could even think to about doing such a thing, Jin came and dragged his ass home.  
“But Suga does it!” A protesting Namjoon had said to an angry Jin that dragged him home by the ear the night before.

“If Suga jumped off of a bridge, would you do it too?! Don’t answer that question because you probably would do it. I bet you would ask him from what bridge to do it from too!” Jin yelled.  
“Ahh, Jagiya,” Namjoon said in his sweetest aegyo voice to try and calm an angry Jin down, “I was just trying to-“ 

“One more word out of you, Kim Namjoon, and not only will I not cook for you for a week,” Jin threatened in his best Eomma Jin voice, “but every other word out of me in response to anything you say will be a lame dad pun just to see you suffer. I mean it this time.”

Although Namjoon had been outwardly frustrated because he was not able to finish the lyrics he was working on, he was still stupidly happy on the inside that Jin had cared enough about him to drag him home in the middle of the night. Thinking about the other night, a huge dimpled smile broke across Namjoon’s face. God, where would I be without him? Namjoon thought happily. 

Finally deciding to untangle himself from the messy, thin, white sheets on the floor, Namjoon went to go search for his love.  
As soon as Namjoon stepped out of the bedroom, sweets scents of strawberry pancakes and coffee wafted into his nose. As he patted closer to the kitchen, Namjoon giggled to himself because he heard Jin singing a song, but not just any song, it was his song-the song that made Jin blush when Namjoon asked Jin to sing and moan in it. As he walked in through the doorway, Namjoon was immediately greeted with a half naked, traffic dancing Jin making breakfast. 

“It’s gonna get you in trouble. Ohh~ Ohh~” Jin sang happily as he step skidded over to the stove and flipped a pancake over.  
God, he’s too fracking cute. Namjoon thought to himself as he stepped through the door way into the kitchen.

Feeling particularly clingy and loveable today, Namjoon quietly snuck over and wrapped his arms around Jin’s waist and buried his face in the arch in between his shoulders. Namjoon breathed in his lover’s scent-a mixture of cinnamon and vanilla and something else that he could never really pinpoint because it was a particular smell that only Jin carried. Other than his broad shoulders and full plump, pink lips, Jin’s scent was just another thing that drove Namjoon absolutely wild.  
“It’s about time you woke up,” Jin said in a sing-song voice. 

“I only woke up because you weren’t there,” pouted Namjoon.

“Well, you can’t cook so someone had to get up to make breakfast.” Jin laughed as served the pancake onto a plate and turned around to look at Namjoon with a huge smile that could light up a whole room. 

Fuck. That smile could cure cancer. Namjoon thought as he got lost in the moment-got lost in Jin. 

Without giving any kind of warning, Namjoon grabbed the back of Jin’s neck and kissed him roughly on his lips that were soft and oh so inviting. He bit and pulled on Jin’s plump, bottom lip and slid his slick, hot tongue along it to lessen the pain which made Jin moan loudly-a deep, low sound that resounded throughout the room and made Namjoon change into his sexy alter ego that Jin liked to call Domjoon when he took control like this. 

“Oh god, Joonie.” Moaned Jin softly as he leaned his head to the side which gave Namjoon access to latch onto Jin’s milky, soft skin and claim him with his love marks. “Fuck. Say my name again, Jinnie.” Namjoon whispered against Jin’s jawline. 

“Oh, Namjoon. I love you so much.” Sighed Jin. 

At that, Namjoon grabbed Jin’s broad shoulders and pushed him down onto the cold, tile floor right there in the kitchen. Surprised and turning absolutely red from embarrassment, Jin looked up only to be met with dark, lusty brown eyes and a smirk that revealed Jin’s favorite part of Namjoon’s features-his cute ass dimples that always seemed to turn his insides into a pile of mush. 

“You love me, Jinnie?” Namjoon said in a mocking tone. 

Jin, who was at loss for words because he was so lost in his lover’s eyes, barely managed to whisper in a small voice “Yes, Joonie. I do.” Jin never thought it was possible for any human to be so sexy, but he was proved wrong as Namjoon’s smirk got even deeper and pulled Jin’s hair in a death like grip. 

“Uh!” Jin moaned. 

“Then show me how much you love me. Suck me, Jinnie.” Namjoon demanded as he let go of Jin’s hair.  
Jin always loved it when Namjoon was like this-so hot and demanding. If Namjoon wanted Jin to show him how much he loved him, he was more than willing to show him just how much he loved him with his mouth, of course. With renewed fervor and raw desire, Jin moved as close as humanly possible to Namjoon and started to slide Namjoon’s boxers down until there was no barrier between him and his lover. As soon Jin pulled down Namjoon’s pants, he was taken aback by how perfect of a male specimen Namjoon was-he wasn’t small, but he wasn’t disgustingly huge either. Namjoon was perfect. Well, to Jin, Namjoon was the right size for him to grab onto with his long, crooked fingers and wrap his plush lips around. 

“Dammit, Jinnie, quit staring and get started.” Namjoon half moaned and half whispered as he grabbed Jin’s hair so hard it made Jin moan out in both pain and pleasure.  
Not wanting to hold off any longer, Jin leaned up and over Namjoon’s hard on. Jin looked up and in a sultry, playful tone he said “Just remember: you asked for this, Joonie.” Then he looked down again, opened his mouth and let the saliva leak from his lips onto Namjoon’s dick to slick him up and prepare him for what was to come. 

“Shit, Jin!” Namjoon whimpered as Jin wrapped his long fingers around Namjoon’s saliva slicked hard on. Smiling to himself, Jin continued to pump Namjoon slowly and then picked up speed when Namjoon moaned again. Finally deciding Namjoon was slick enough, Jin leaned forward and licked the precum that was leaking out from the head. Then he wrapped his pink lips around Namjoon. As he did so, Namjoon grabbed Jin’s hair which only served to make things hotter because Jin moaned, long and low on Namjoon. 

Fuck! When did he get so good at this? Namjoon thought as Jin pushed himself further onto Namjoon. Jin hadn’t quite mastered the art of deep throating, but whatever parts of Namjoon he couldn’t reach, he wrapped his long fingers around and pumped Namjoon in time with his sucking. Namjoon moaned long and low and this Jin took as a sign that his lover was so close to reaching his high. Jin pulled himself back slowly and then moved forward as quickly as he could. With the new change in pace, Namjoon practically screamed Jin’s name as he poured his sticky, smooth sin down Jin’s throat. After a few moments and finally calming down from his high, Namjoon pulled Jin up and crushed him in a hug and whispered “I love you too.” At this, Jin said nothing. Instead, he just smiled softly and buried his face into the crook of Namjoon’s neck. 

 

  
Namjoon always loved it when he and Jin got hot and heavy in the morning, but that always meant he would be running late to meet Yoongi at the studio. And shit he was late by half an hour! Normally, Yoongi was a laid back person, but when it came to meeting about new songs and recordings, Yoongi would be extra crabby and Namjoon knew he would never hear the end of it for the rest of the day. Pulling on his pink converse and black trash bag looking jacket that he borrowed from Yoongi, Namjoon rushed out of the bedroom. 

“Hey! You’re not going to going to eat breakfast?” Jin yelled as Namjoon ran passed him to the front door. 

“No, Jagi, I have to go now! Yoongi will murder me if I am any later than this! Bye. I love you!” 

“Love you too! See you later then!” Jin yelled from the dining room table. 

Namjoon ran from his apartment and out onto the sidewalk. The day started out perfect, but of course, the universe was always out to bite Namjoon in the ass because as he turned the corner, Namjoon bumped into a man. Not only did Namjoon manage to knock the wind out of both of them, he also managed to spill the hot, black coffee all over the man’s white button up shirt. 

Great. Just fucking great. Namjoon internally screamed as he picked himself up from the sidewalk. 

“I’m so sorry!” Namjoon said apologetically as he bowed his head to the stranger. 

“It’s alright.” The man said as he smiled, “I was on my way home anyway. I just left my office after performing some extensive surgery last night.”  
As soon as Namjoon looked up again, an image flashed in his mind. A fuzzy image of a man in white with a kind smile, but again, he couldn’t make out who it was.  
“Oh shit!” Namjoon whined as he clenched the sides of his head with both hands. 

“This can’t be happening.” a little voice in the back of Namjoon’s mind whispered.

“Are you okay?” the man said as he looked at Namjoon with a concerned look on his face. “I’m a doctor,” the man continued, “Do you need help?” 

“No. It’s okay. It’s just a headache.” Namjoon said in a reassuring tone.

“Well, alright. If you say so. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go home now. Take care.” Said the kind stranger as he side stepped Namjoon and walked off.  
Before Namjoon walked off into the direction he needed to, he looked back at the kind, strange doctor that let him go so easily. As he looked back at the man, Namjoon couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen the man before. It was the same feeling he got the moment he we woke up in bed this morning. Almost as if something was off, but he still couldn’t pin point what it was.

Maybe the strange man used to be his doctor when he was a child? Maybe. It was possible since Namjoon had been in and out of hospitals when he was a kid due to his severe asthma at the time. 

“Ah. The hell with it. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence”, Namjoon said to himself as he ran off to go meet his crabby best friend.


	3. The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is long, but I like how this is going, haha.  
> Hopefully, you enjoy!  
> Until next time.  
> -Jinnie-

Part 3  
“I lead my life like this tell me how-“

“Stop, stop stop. Just…” Yoongi sighed, “Stop.” 

“What did I do this time? Breathe wrong?” Namjoon said in annoyed tone. 

“Actually, your whole existence is what’s wrong today.” Yoongi snapped back. 

“I told you I was sorry about being late, dammit. I was-“

“Doing something that I do not and, I REPEAT, DO NOT want to know about.” Yoongi waved off in an irritated huff. He knew why Namjoon was late and didn’t want to hear any lame excuse that Namjoon made up. He just wasn’t in the mood to put with it today. 

Namjoon knew that Yoongi was going to be super crabby about being late to meet and record the new song that they had going, but damn, he didn’t expect him to nitpick everything that Namjoon recorded. They had been in the studio all day and managed to accomplish nothing. Everything that Namjoon said or did was just plain wrong. Although Yoongi didn’t say anything, Namjoon knew that Yoongi knew that something was off today, but he didn’t say anything about. Yoongi wasn’t the kind of person to pry in anyone’s business unless asked and Namjoon was grateful for that because he wasn’t quite sure what was going on with himself today either. A part of him wanted to confide in his best friend, but he didn’t want to sound crazy so he decided to just keep quiet about it for now. 

*ping* Namjoon’s phone went off. He knew who was texting him. It was Jin, probably, asking him what time he was going to be home and what he wanted to eat. He wanted to answer right away, but he knew Yoongi hated any kind distraction when they were in the middle of recording. He said it “disrupted the music flow,” so Namjoon decided it was best not answer until they finished. That goes double for today since Yoongi was already upset with Namjoon about being late. 

Rolling his eyes Yoongi sighed irritably and said “Tell him you’ll be home in twenty minutes.”

Surprised, but not wanting to question Yoongi, Namjoon quickly went over to the table next to him and opened the message. But the text message wasn’t from Jin. In fact, it wasn’t from any number he recognized. 

Text: Are you living in the real world?  
-T-  
What? Namjoon thought. What the fuck was going on? This had to be some sort of…prank, right? Real world? Before Namjoon could contemplate the message, Yoongi said “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just got a weird message, but it’s alright. I’m pretty sure it was just a prank.” 

“Hmm..” Yoongi said in disbelief, “Well, if you say so. Let’s get back to work.” 

Namjoon and Yoongi stayed in the studio for more than an hour, and before Namjoon knew it, it was past midnight. Dammit. Jin was not going to be happy about Namjoon coming home this late again. Oh well. He’ll just have to make it up to him in the only way he knew how: Begging for forgiveness and loving him to death. Namjoon didn’t exactly like the begging part because he hated to beg for anything, but he knew it would be worth it when Jin forgave him and they made up. Smiling to himself, Namjoon exited the building with Yoongi and headed out into the dark city. Before heading in the opposite direction of Namjoon, Yoongi patted him on the shoulder and said “Please don’t be late next weekend.” 

“I promise….” Namjoon paused, “nothing.” 

Punching him on the shoulder, Yoongi yelled jokingly “Yah! This friend! Putting his boyfriend before his best friend!”

“Always. Besides, you would do the same for Hoseok.” Namjoon teased. 

“If it was for Hoseok, I wouldn’t have even showed up today.” Yoongi retaliated. 

“And YOU want to accuse me for being a terrible friend?” Namjoon feigned in a hurt voice. 

Yoongi laughed and stuck his tongue out as he started to walk away backwards in the opposite direction of Namjoon. 

“Yah!” Namjoon yelled, “I’m not done with you!” 

“Save that phrase for Jin!” Yoongi yelled back and clapped as he laughed at his own innuendo. 

“Why are you like this?” Namjoon yelled questionably. 

“I don’t know, but I’ll see you next weekend!” Yoongi yelled before turning around and turning the corner. 

“Alright!” Namjoon yelled as he waved as he started to walk away in the direction to his apartment. 

 

On the way home, Namjoon decided to stop by the convenience store down the street from the apartment. He knew that Jin was going to be extremely upset with him about coming home late so he wanted to stop and get him some of his favorite snacks. Food usually helped calm an angry Jin down so he thanked his lucky stars that the little store was right down the street from the apartment. 

Nothing happened on the way to the store and Namjoon thanked the heavens for that as well since it seemed like everything was out to ruin him and fuck with his mind. Especially that weird message he received earlier at the studio. Just as Namjoon was about to lay all the snacks on the counter and pay, he dropped his wallet.  
Ugh. Why me? Namjoon thought in exasperation. Before Namjoon even moved, someone rushed over and picked it up for him. 

“Oh, uh, thank you. I-“ Namjoon didn’t finish his sentence because when he looked up, he was met with a beautiful blonde haired man in expensive looking attire-a black, pinned stripped suit with a white button up shirt, and black tie. The man looked like he was a CEO of a successful company or someone with serious power because everything he wore from his Rolex watch on his wrist down to his sleek, black Versace loafers. The entire outfit made the man look like he stepped out of a Versace ad. 

“You’re welcome.” The smiling blonde haired man said. 

Although he was smiling, it seemed like the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was like the man showed emotion physically, but it didn’t reach his eyes and that bothered Namjoon in an eerie sort of way. It was like the man standing before him lacked any kind of human emotion. 

Once again, Namjoon wanted to thank the man for the help, but before he got the chance to say anything, his splitting headache came back again. Namjoon had been getting these random, spurting headaches with a fuzzy image all day. Namjoon knew to not try to concentrate on the image anymore because he knew that would only make the excruciating pain he felt one hundred times worse. Namjoon tried to get his mind to not concentrate on the image, but not matter how hard he tried, the pain wouldn’t go away. The pain was so unbearable that Namjoon screamed right in the middle of the store-his vision went blurry and the ringing in his ears started high pitched and then…he heard nothing. Everything went silent-then he saw it. An image. An image of himself with two guns in each hand. A silver gun with the words “The Hero Is Dead.” on the left side and a black gun with the words “I am my own Demon” in cursive, white letters on the right side. Namjoon saw himself with blood spattered all over his face and black suit. But the blood didn’t belong to him. No. He wasn’t the one who was laying in cold blood on the white, tile bathroom floor. He wasn’t the one dying and leaving his loved ones behind. No. He was the one giving that fate to another person. Namjoon heard a voice in the flash of this vision. He knew that voice. 

Yoongi?  
What the hell was Yoongi doing here? In the image, he saw a pink haired Yoongi decked out in all black with a suit case. He went over to examine the cold, dead body and mumbled “I’ll take care of the rest as always. You and the guys go get some rest.” Namjoon turned around and saw his now passed on friend Taehyung, and…the blonde haired man he just met? Namjoon wanted to ask what the hell was going on, but he got sucked back into reality? Or was it really HIS reality? What was going on?

Namjoon groaned loudly as he squatted down on the floor to rest his head between his knees in front of the cashier. His head was aching and his heart was beating a mile a minute. What did he just see? What was going on? 

“Are you okay?” the blonde haired man asked in concern.  
“I’m fine!” Namjoon yelped as got up from his panic attack that he threw on the floor. Namjoon ran out of the store. There was something very wrong with where he was and he needed answers. So he ran home. He ran to the one person that he trusted and loved more than anyone in this entire universe. He ran to Jin because if there was anyone in the entire universe that he could trust to tell the entire truth, it was going to be his lover. So he ran as quickly as he could to find the answers he needed. 

 

As soon as Namjoon arrived at his apartment, he was a disheveled mess. His shirt was wrinkled and untucked, his hair was sticking to his face as sweat drenched his face. He was a complete mess, but he didn’t care because he was about to get the answers he needed. 

 

Namjoon unlocked the front door and was met with the sight of Jin sitting in the dark at the dining room table. Only half of his handsome face was showing from the illuminating lights from the building and street lamps outside of their shared apartment. 

“Joonie…” Jin said in a bitter sweet voice, “I was hoping you would catch on earlier.” 

“Jinnie, what is going on? All day I have been having these headaches and these weird images keep attacking my mind. I’m so confused and you’re the only person I know I can trust to tell me. Please. What is going on?” Namjoon begged in a desperate, shaky voice. 

Jin stood up and walked over to Namjoon and crushed him in a hug. He said in a shaky voice “Namjoon. I’m only doing this because…I love you too much. I’m sorry.” Jin pulled back, faced stained with tears, and placed his fingers on Namjoon’s forehead. 

When Jin placed his fingers on Namjoon’s forehead, he saw everything. He saw his whole life flash before his eyes. 

Images of his mother’s death-where his fear of hospitals began, to his angsty teen years, to his…adulthood and his choice in career. 

His choice to become a part of the syndicate known as VIXX. 

His choice to become the best hired assassin known as the “Black Butterfly.” A name given to him by his late best friend, Taehyung. A “Black Butterfly” because he was pretty on the outside, but his soul was pitch black and tainted for all the sins he committed for the job-for the syndicate. 

Then he saw all the suffering. 

All the blood.

All the bodies. He assassinated anyone that he was paid to eliminate-from big name politicians to women, and yes, even entire families with children. All of them lying together, with blood stained faces on the floor as he stood over them and watched the light in their eyes go completely out. To make sure his job was complete.  
All the bodies screaming in agony as he inflicted painful deaths onto them. Chokings, poisons, drownings, or even his own guns. Whatever it took to get the job done. Because taking life was just that: A job. 

Namjoon left the bathroom without saying anything and left the rest of the work to Yoongi and Taehyung to take care of the human disposal he was hired to do.  
Back then, Namjoon was a junkie and alcoholic who didn’t truly care about anyone, but himself. Yes, before his death, he did care about Taehyung a lot. Probably more than he should have back in those days. At the end of the day, however, he only looked out for number one. Himself. 

Then Namjoon saw Kim Won-Sik or better known as his assassin’s name, Ravi. 

He saw images of Ravi and himself meeting for the first time, fighting together, and killing together…loving together. Namjoon had made the mistake of getting drunk and sleeping with Ravi. It was only one time, but it was a horrible, awful mistake because he knew Ravi started to develop feelings for him. In fact, Namjoon was sure Ravi had feelings for him even before they had slept together. Ravi never directly told Namjoon that he cared about him as more than a friend. It was just in the way Ravi would speak to Namjoon, the little ways he would touch him, and look at him like he was the only person in the world that mattered. Namjoon loved Ravi, yes, but he saw Ravi as nothing more than a friend. A brother that he fought along with when they went on jobs together. In the end, Namjoon never responded to Ravi’s feelings. He always just kept it to himself. 

Besides, back then, Namjoon’s number one rule was: Never mix business with pleasure because that tended to come with attached feelings and bring the people he cared about the most in danger. Especially in the line of work that he was involved in. For years, Namjoon kept up with this rule and only had one time flings or none at all. 

But then, he was assigned a target. 

A beautiful, angel of a target named Kim Seokjin. A kind soul that was the son of politician: a man who had made the mistake of double crossing VIXX. A mistake that cost his and his entire family’s life. 

Ravi had been assigned to take out Jin’s father out and Namjoon had been assigned to take out Jin and Yoongi assigned to his brother, Hoseok.  
For days Namjoon had been observing Jin because he needed to know his habits and whereabouts. He needed to know when the best possible time was to eliminate him without many people noticing his absence. Namjoon had been observing Jin for a week and throughout that time he had learned that Jin…was innocent. The poor soul was loved by everyone. He lived his day to day life beautifully. Jin was the kind of person that was easily satisfied with the little things in life. He didn’t need extravagance or drugs or alcohol to feel complete. Jin was happy with being who he was. Jin was everything Namjoon wasn’t. He was everything Namjoon wanted to be. But even as Namjoon thought this as he watched Jin, he still had a job to do. He had to do what needed to be done. 

 

The night finally cam where Jin was completely alone. The man was always with someone. Jin was rarely alone. That, and the fact that it was hard for Namjoon to eliminate the most pure thing the world was kind enough to produce. Out of all the sins Namjoon had committed in his twenty five years of living, getting rid of Jin felt like the vilest crime he could commit. For the first time in his life, Namjoon felt like the worst person to ever have been born. He never had trouble looking at himself in the mirror, but knowing what he was going to do Jin made him sick. The mere sight of himself made him want to vomit. He absolutely hated himself, but he needed to do it. So, he decided he was going to do it while Jin was asleep. It was easier for him that way so that he didn’t have to watch the light from his eyes go out because if he watched Jin slowly slip away, Namjoon knew this would be the icing on the cake for him as far his list of sins went. Namjoon knew that it would absolutely break him if he watched. 

The night to do the job came, finally, and Namjoon got ready to do the crime. It was a full moon and the sky was clear. A perfect night to do what needed to be done. Namjoon watched Jin brush his teeth, slip into his sleeping clothes, get into bed, and close his eyes. Namjoon waited about an hour to make sure Jin was truly asleep. When he decided the coast was clear, Namjoon ran and jumped onto the roof top of Jin’s building. He took a long black, tethered rope out and tied it to an antenna post. He slipped the rope around his waist and slipped down the side of the building to Jin’s window on the third floor. He quietly opened the window that lead into the kitchen. Once inside, he jumped off the counter.  
Namjoon quietly walked to Jin’s room with his black gun, the Jackel, he liked to call it. Luckily, Jin was lying on his side facing the opposite direction of Namjoon. Namjoon raised his right arm, cocked his gun and-

But then Jin turned over. He mumbled something unintelligible and smiled. He looked absolutely beautiful.  
In that moment, Namjoon knew he was fucked.  
Because he had fallen hard for his target.  
He had fallen in love with Jin.  
He was in real trouble.  
Fuck. 

The next few days, Namjoon tried to eliminate Jin in various ways, but every time he tried to finish the job, Namjoon backed out at the last minute.  
Deep down, Namjoon knew he couldn’t kill Jin. He couldn’t kill the one person he loved too much. 

Then, one day, Namjoon did the unspeakable. 

He talked to his target.  
He approached Jin; Namjoon pretended to have car trouble at the gas station.  
Namjoon went up and knocked on Jin’s window.  
And that’s where it all started. 

As soon as Namjoon realized things started to get serious, he knew he had to leave the syndicate. 

Because if VIXX found out that Namjoon hadn’t really eliminated Jin like he had said he did, they would not only hunt him down, but they would get Jin as well. And Namjoon was not going to let that happen. 

So, together with Yoongi (because he had also stupidly fallen for his target, Hoseok), Namjoon devised a plan to fake their deaths. They had both made it look like they died in a car bombing. The plan was successful and they were both able to leave. They had went over several times if there were any mistakes made. But no matter how many times they recounted the event, they were sure nothing was missed. 

But there was one thing they hadn’t planned on: Ravi.  
The day Namjoon “died,” Namjoon had unknowingly changed Ravi. He changed him into something that Namjoon was sure could be worse than the devil himself. Last Namjoon had heard from the few connections he had left, he heard that Ravi was out looking for him. He was hired to eliminate both Namjoon and Jin. With the help of both Yoongi and the last few connections he had, Namjoon was able to hide his and Jin’s location these last three years. 

Until now. 

The incident that happened to Jin was caused by Ravi. He was sure of it now. The day the incident happened, Namjoon had left Jin because they had gotten into another fight. That night, Namjoon had coming walking down the street and then he heard a crash from his building. Upon hearing the crash, Namjoon ran to his building. And that’s when he saw it. Jin being thrown from their living room window falling to his death.

“Jin!” Namjoon had screamed as he ran to where Jin had been thrown. 

All of a sudden, the images from Namjoon’s mind were gone. Jin pulled his fingers away because Namjoon had remembered everything. Every crime committed to meeting Jin to Jin’s memory loss. 

“Namjoon.” Jin said as he walked passed him and opened the front door, “No matter what, I’ll find you again.” With that, Jin walked out.  
“Wait!” Namjoon yelled as everything around him began to crumble. The whole building started to shake, the walls cracked and broke down until there was nothing left of the world Namjoon had woken up to this morning. Everything he knew was gone. He was left in darkness. 

*Ring, Ring*  
Although Namjoon couldn’t see well in the darkness, he could still hear a phone ringing in the distance. Following the direction the ringing was coming from, Namjoon approached a phone booth. A phone booth wrapped in chains. Wanting to desperately get to where he came from, Namjoon shook the phone booth, kicked, and scratched until the chain around it fell off. He jerked the door open and with a heavy heart, answered the ringing phone. 

“Namjoon.” A voice on the other end of the line said. 

Namjoon had flinched at the sound of the voice because he hadn’t heard that sweet voice in years. It was the same voice that had been whispering in the back of his mind all day. The same being that sent him the text message. 

“Taehyung.” Namjoon whispered. 

“Namjoon, are you living in the real world?” 

“No, Tae. Where am I?” 

“I made a deal with God.” Taehyung said softly, “I saw what was happening and so I had God make an alternate world for you. One where you produce music. One where you’ll be with a clean past, but then…God decided that it should be you who makes the choice: Stay or go back to your original world. But if you choose to go back, you have to face Ravi. You would have to fight him. Things would be hard, Joon. Especially with Jin losing his memories.” 

Then, all of a sudden, a door appeared behind Namjoon. 

“It’s your choice, Joon.” 

All of this was coming onto Namjoon so fast. He wasn’t sure what to do because on one hand, he could stay and be happy or…he could go face his past and put everything to rest. It was a hard choice, but then he thought the last thing Jin had said before everything of this world crumbled. 

“No matter what, I’ll find you.” Jin had said that. His Jin. Of his world. Namjoon had come to a decision.

“Tae,” Namjoon said sincerely, “thank you for looking out for me.” 

“Anytime…goodbye, Namjoon. I’ll see you again one day.” Tae said in a bittersweet voice. 

“Good bye, Taehyung.” Namjoon silently cried as he hung up the phone. 

Namjoon stood in the phone booth for a few minutes before finally calming down and heading towards the exit to his world. 

This entire time Namjoon had been running from his past and now he was backed into a corner. His past had literally come knocking at his front door and now he was forced to answer it. But it was time to stop running. With renewed resolve, Namjoon opened the door and stepped into bright white light. 

Namjoon was finally, finally going to answer the door to his past. 

He was finally going to stop running.


	4. The unchanging Past and uncertain Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha. Not even sure if anyone still reads this, but here is a chapter update. I apologize for not updating this one as frequently, but this is my first work and I want to finish it. I love this one a lot and I plan to update along my others. Anyways, until next time! Happy reading.

Namjoon sat alone at the empty bar by himself. This was a common occurrence for Namjoon lately. A common routine since he woke up from the dream. Or rather, it WAS a dream until it turned into a nightmare. Everyday for a week, since he checked out of the hospital, Namjoon sat by himself to drown in his sorrows and think about what to do next.   
What was he to do? He wasn’t sure. In the nightmare, he was so certain that he could solve the Ravi issue. He thought he could handle it, but the question was: How? Where? When? Namjoon was so certain that he could fix the problem by fighting Ravi, but was that really the right thing to do? A few years ago,Namjoon would have never hesitated like this, but that was the thing: Namjoon wasn’t the same monster he used to be. The day he came into contact with Jin was the day Namjoon changed. Namjoon had become a better person and it was all thanks to the love of his life.   
“Jin..” Namjoon thought sadly as he guzzled down his fourth glass of vodka. That was a whole other problem that Namjoon didn’t know what to about. Lately, it just seemed like Namjoon’s life was turned upside down and inside out. He just didn’t know what to do about anything anymore. Namjoon’s past was catching up with him and just like in his nightmare, he had to have the courage to answer and face up to every sin he committed. Namjoon ordered another vodka on the rocks when he felt the annoying presence of a man sitting next to him.   
“I knew you’d be here.” said the sleepy, irritated voice Namjoon had grown accustomed to.   
“What do you want?” Namjoon sneered.   
“Always with an attitude.” Yoongi responded.   
“Tch.” Namjoon replied. There was a moment of silence before Yoongi spoke again.  
“He’s...doing well, you know, but…”  
“But?”   
“He’s asking about you, you know. He wants to know why you were the first one in the room with him.”  
“And?” Namjoon said irritably.   
“What do you mean ‘and?’ AND he wants to know who you are. AND he wants to know who you are to HIM.” Yoongi fired back. Yoongi hadn’t meant to sound like an ass about this whole thing, but with the way Namjoon was acting lately-ignoring Jin, ignoring his friends, not showing up at the studio-it was all starting to get on Yoongi’s nerves.   
“What did you say when he asked?” Namjoon sighed as he swallowed down the last of the liquid that burned his throat and made him forget, for a little while, all of his troubles. All of his problems that caused him heartache and a headache.  
“I didn’t say anything, but Namjoon-” Yoongi said as he swirled his own drink in his glass.   
“Don’t say anything.”   
“He deserves to know-”   
“Stop. He doesn’t need to know anything right now and neither do you, Min Yoongi.” In response, Yoongi turned to Namjoon-a serious look on his face and said “If you don’t tell him soon, Namjoon, I will. This isn’t an empty threat either. I will do it. I hate the way Jin looks when he asks and no one says anything. The way he looks when he sees you and you ignore him-” Namjoon slammed his fists on the table. Pushing off the glasses from the table in anger and grabbing Yoongi by his collar as the glasses crashed onto the floor and shattered into millions of tiny pieces.   
“Don’t you dare-you don’t know what I have to do-I have to protect Jin. Even if it’s the last thing I do!” Namjoon yelled in anger and sadness.   
“From what?” Yoongi spat as he pushed Namjoon off of him roughly, “The only thing you’ve done is be a coward.” Namjoon didn’t say a word and instead stumbled forward, but before he fell flat on his face, Yoongi caught him. Yoongi looked at the disheveled mess in his arms and sighed as he hoisted Namjoon up around him and carried him outside to the bitter cold winter weather.   
“I hope you appreciate what I’m doing for you.” Yoongi whispered yelled as he hoisted up the man who couldn’t keep himself up as they walked to Namjoon’s place.   
“I do appreciate you.” Namjoon slurred.  
“Then…” Yoongi began cautiously, “Will you tell me what’s been going on with you?” Namjoon mumbled something under his breath, but Yoongi couldn’t make out what it was.  
“What?” Yoongi asked he lowered his head a little and strained his hearing.   
“Viper.” Namjoon whispered into Yoongi’s ear. Yoongi froze in shock at the mention of his old nickname. Yoongi hadn’t heard that nickname in years and he wanted to keep it that way.   
“You’re drunk.” Yoongi said as he hoisted his friend up again for the thousandth time since they left the bar.   
As Yoongi and Namjoon walked the rest of the way home, Yoongi thought about what could be bothering Namjoon. Of course, he knew Jin was part of it, but something told him it was it went deeper than Jin’s memory loss.   
“Maybe I’m being too analytical about this...it could just be that Namjoon is this broken up about Jin forgetting him.” Yoongi thought as he looked at Namjoon pitifully. Yoongi knew that if Hoseok ever forgot about him then he would be in the same state Namjoon was in now. Still, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that this-whatever it was-was the real reason Namjoon was the way he was. Yoongi unlocked the door to Namjoon’s apartment and threw Namjoon roughly onto his bed.  
“Ugh.” Namjoon groaned as a result of being treated roughly.   
“That’s what you get for being an ass to everyone lately. Especially to you know who.”   
“I have to.” Namjoon said in an upset tone and he laid on his side.   
“Bullshit.” Yoongi spat as he turned to leave. Before Yoongi walked away, Namjoon grabbed onto his wrist.  
“Viper.” Namjoon groaned.   
“Quit calling me that...we agreed not to use our old nicknames or talk about that stuff EVER again.”   
“I know.”   
“Then why the hell bring it up-”  
“He’s back.”  
“Who is?”  
“You know who.” Yoongi froze.   
“That can’t be-ah, quit talking nonsense. We erased everything about ourselves. There’s no way he could-”  
“It’s him. I know it’s him.” Namjoon said sleepily.   
“There is just no way!” Yoongi yelled as he wrenched his hand away from Namjoon’s grasp.   
“But it’s true. It’s trueee…” Namjoon drifted off to sleep. There is no way. There is just no way.   
“Namjoon are you-Yah! Yah! You can’t just sleep after telling me that!” Yoongi shook Namjoon several times, but it was no use. Namjoon was dead asleep. Yoongi sighed in frustration at what Namjoon just told him.   
“Dammit!” Yoongi whisper yelled as he punched the mattress.   
That little shit. Why couldn’t he just leave the two of them alone? Why couldn’t Ravi get the message that he and Namjoon were never, ever coming back to VIXX? Never going to their old life..to their old team? Never again. Yoongi, like Namjoon, changed when he met the right person-his sunshine, his hope. He was no longer the man who hacked into the trickiest of systems. No longer the man who snooped around and helped...kill for money. Yoongi was so professional and top notch at his job that he earned the nickname Viper. A snake because Yoongi was able to keep a straight face at all times. In essence, he was top notch-the best in the industry, but no one was sure if he was someone they could trust.   
It was the same routine with Viper: talk, hand over the target, spy, and kill. The cycle repeated itself for years to come after Yoongi joined Namjoon’s team. From the first moment they met, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Ravi were inseparable. They were a three man team that everyone feared and knew not mess with the Black Butterfly, The Viper, and Ravi. They knew not to mess with VIXX. Throughout the time that Yoongi got to know Namjoon and Ravi, he got to find out the nature of Namjoon’s and Ravi’s relationship. Afterall, he was a stealthy and sneaky Viper snake-he knew everything about everyone. Yoongi trusted nobody and nobody trusted him.   
That’s just how things worked for him back then. Especially in his old line of work where it was impossible to tell who was your friend and who was your enemy. This was the exact reason why Yoongi couldn’t understand how Namjoon and Ravi got so close. Yoongi wasn’t like other people. He wasn’t normal-he didn’t feel attraction like most people or strong connections to anyone and as time passed, Yoongi felt nothing-especially not pity for Ravi for having gotten himself in a one sided love situation. For Yoongi, things like love and friendship didn’t exist in his life.   
It just didn’t happen for people like him and Namjoon.   
It just couldn’t.   
And yet it, by some miracle and miraculous luck, it did. 

Yoongi texted Hoseok “I won’t be home tonight. Namjoon is drunk. Be home tomorrow.” Not missing a beat, Yoongi’s phone chimed immediately.   
Hoseok text: My bed will be empty. Woe is me T^T Good night. See you tomorrow.   
Yoongi smiled as he put his phone away in his pocket and grabbed a pillow and blanket from the closet. Yoongi laid down and stared at the ceiling in deep thought. If what Namjoon was saying is true, then things were about to get complicated once again. Yoongi closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Whatever happens next, he thought, whatever may come, he and Namjoon would fix it. Even if they had to reminisce about the past Yoongi and Namjoon wanted so badly to forget.   
The past was catching up to the both of them and although they couldn’t change the past, they could definitely change the future.   
For better or for worse, the future was going to change.


End file.
